


Forget Me Not

by thorkified



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Car Accident, Coma, Emotional Hurt, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 01:37:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13066434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkified/pseuds/thorkified
Summary: Sam and Lucifer have been together for five years already and they couldn't be happier together. There isn't anything that would make them believe that their love could ever be shattered - until a fatal accident almost rips Sam out of this world and leaves Lucifer struggling to pick up the pieces of their life.





	Forget Me Not

Sam and Lucifer were the perfect couple, there was no doubt about that. They had met in college five years ago and it had instantly clicked. Ever since, the two were inseparable. Sam was the pretty boy in their relationship - the smart one that succeeded in his classes and quickly rose to the top - while Lucifer was more of the relaxed type, taking it easy whenever he could and mostly focused on his art, rather than overall good grades. It didn’t matter though, because whenever it was needed, Lucifer helped Sam out and vice versa, so it was all perfectly balanced. They moved together merely a month after meeting and never regretted it for a second.

Often times, Lucifer wondered how Sam managed to study so much and maintain his good grades and still managed to spend time with him; maybe it was just due to the fact that he was highly intelligent, maybe not. Lucifer didn’t mind, Sam was perfect for him with or without good grades. Of course he was proud of his boyfriend, who wouldn’t have been in his position? But even without his academic success, Lucifer would have loved Sam endlessly. Sam was all he needed and wanted, he was convinced that nothing would ever change that. Everything was perfect, until one moment changed their life forever.

On his way to school, Sam was involved in a fatal car accident. Normally Lucifer accompanied his boyfriend in the morning, but because he had the first two periods off, Sam insisted that he would get some well needed rest instead. When he got the call from the hospital, Lucifer felt like his world was falling apart. Sam had been Injured massively, his arm was broken and he had a severe concussion, along with a few broken ribs and the fact that he was comatose - all of this caused a panic in Lucifer that he didn’t know was possible until this moment.

He rushed to the hospital as fast as possible, but when he arrived he had to go through an intense fight with the doctors and nurses before they finally let him see his boyfriend of five years. When he saw Sam for the first time, Lucifer was shook. There were so many tubes and machines attached to him, it looked like he was some kind of cyborg kept alive by only machines. And in a way, that was exactly the case. Sam was no cyborg, but the machines were all that kept his heart beating, the doctor explained, and it broke Lucifer’s heart seeing the love of his life like this.

Still, despite Sam’s terrifying condition, Lucifer refused to leave his side. He convinced the doctors to allow him to stay and only left the room when he had to go to the bathroom urgently - at all other times Lucifer stayed right next to Sam’s bed. He read his boyfriend stories, talked about trivial thing and - more than anything else - assured him that everything would be fine and that they would get through this. He was convinced that Sam would wake up and smile at him - the same dimpled smile he once fell in love with - and that they would simply continue living their life.

What happened when Sam finally did open his eyes, however, he couldn’t have prepared for. There was not even a slight bit of recognition in Sam’s face. It was as if he was hit by a truck himself when Sam looked at him and asked, in all sincerity, who he was and why he was sitting by his bed. Lucifer tried to spark Sam’s memory, even after the doctors told him it would most likely not help - he kept insisting. Sam was his everything, how could he forget who he was? But, despite Lucifer’s efforts, with words or gestures alike, no matter how much effort he put into it, Sam did not remember him. It broke Lucifer’s heart, seeing his boyfriend like this.

The doctors told Lucifer Sam simply needed time and that a familiar environment might help recover his memory, so Lucifer took his boyfriend back home and hoped they were right. He did everything he could for Sam, brought him breakfast and spent time with him and showered him with all the love and affection he had, but in the end, it simply wasn’t enough. No matter what he did, Sam couldn’t remember their life. Even worse, Lucifer noticed that Sam was uncomfortable when he kissed him or even touched him - this, more than anything else, drove a knife right through Lucifer’s heart. The only one he had ever loved with all his being resented his touch and love. There was nothing worse that could have happened to him, even being killed would have been mercy at this point.

Eventually, after months of Lucifer trying all he could to make Sam remember and in return only receiving rejection and coldness, he couldn’t live this lie anymore. Lucifer accepted the fact that Sam would not remember him or their life and making him stay in this relationship that clearly made him uncomfortable and sad just wasn’t what he could do anymore. So, being the hardest thing he had ever done, Lucifer finally broke up with Sam after almost half a year after his accident. The worst thing of all was that he saw the relief in Sam’s eyes - that was the moment he knew it was all lost forever. At least Sam was free now, free to live his life the way he wanted to, even if it meant he did so without him.

Weeks passed, then months and Sam adapted to his new life alone. He went back to school, met his friends again and ignored the strange feeling in his chest that something wasn’t right. He knew that he was missing something, but he didn’t know what. Life was good, but he wasn’t truly happy. Despite that, Sam tried his best to move on. Then, one rainy November afternoon when he left college and headed home, everything he had forgotten came crashing back at him. There was no warning, nothing that could have caused this - one second Sam walked down the sidewalk, the next he was kneeling on the pavement with tears streaming down his face. It wasn’t a slow realization, it came back all at once and it was simply too much for him to handle.

When he finally made it back home hours later, Sam was devastated. He frantically searched his apartment for signs of Lucifer’s presence, despite knowing that he wouldn’t find anything. He called everyone he knew, even the people he had not talked to in almost a year, and asked if they knew where Lucifer was, but none of them could give him even so much as a clue as to where his former boyfriend was. That night, Sam broke down in a horrible agony that lasted for over a week. Still, even after this, he wasn’t able to find Lucifer anywhere and he wasn’t short of attempts. His ex-boyfriend seemed to have vanished from the face of the earth and it shattered Sam to think that it was all because he could not remember him before.

Over another month passed before Sam was ripped out of his sleep one night at two in the morning, panicking at the aggressive sound of his phone. He had an awful feeling in his guts, but still picked up the call, simply because his inner voice insisted on it. As soon as the man on the other end of the line spoke, Sam wished he would have stayed asleep or simply ignored the call.

The man introduced himself as Gabriel and somewhere in the back of Sam’s head, this name rang a bell. Not enough to make him hang up though. As it turned out, Gabriel was Lucifer’s brother and what he had to say wasn’t something Sam ever wanted to hear.

“I’m so sorry, but we got a call from the police an hour ago, it was about Lucifer,” Gabriel said, his voice low and quiet.

“Lucifer?” For some irrational reason Sam was filled with hope for a second - maybe Lucifer had done something dumb and they caught him? It was possible, wasn’t it? “What happened? Where is he?”

“Sam…” Gabriel swallowed and suddenly Sam realized that his voice was cracking and that he fought for the words to come out of his mouth. “Lucifer… he is dead... “

“No!” Sam gasped, gripping the phone tighter, suddenly wide awake. “No, he can’t be dead! This must be a mistake, he can’t be dead!”

“I’m sorry, I really wouldn’t call if I weren’t sure, but he’s dead…”

Sam’s heart stopped for a moment. He sank down in the uncomfortable chair next to his phone and ignored the tears streaming down his cheeks. he couldn’t believe it, didn’t  _ want  _ to believe it! He couldn’t have died without knowing that Sam remembered him again, this just couldn’t be happening!

“Sam, they found a letter,” Gabriel continued, sounding just as heartbroken as Sam was. And why shouldn’t he be? Lucifer was his brother, this only proved that he was telling the truth. Sam couldn’t answer, he kept trying to fight the sobs that came from his throat in complete vain. “They said Lucifer wrote it before… before killing himself.”

“Please tell me this is some cruel joke,” Sam begged, now uncontrollably sobbing and crying on the floor. “Please, he can’t be dead! Not Lucifer!”

The line was silent for a few moments, apart from obvious attempts to muffle the speaker as Gabriel fought to hold back his own tears. Eventually though, he continued.

“The letter includes something for you,” Gabriel said and Sam heard the distinctive sounds of someone wiping his eyes and swallowing. “It says: ‘Sam, I’m writing this to let you know that no matter what happened, I still love you. This is not your fault. faith simply wasn’t on our side. I tried, I really did, but without you there is no purpose or happiness in my life. I love you Sam, now and until the end of time. Maybe one day we will meet again and then we might be happy. In undying love, Lucifer.”

Gabriel was still reading Lucifer’s last words when Sam completely broke down and his grief and sorrow overwhelmed him. He didn’t care for the phone he dropped or that he sounded like a weeping dog - those words and their meaning were more than Sam could take. He had hoped all this time that he would find Lucifer again and that he would have the chance to apologize and love him again that this change of events was making his heart bleed. Losing Lucifer again so harshly and permanently, it made Sam wish for death too. Because he had always known that he didn’t want to live without Lucifer anymore - that he could not remember his love for the other for so long brought more than just shame and pain with it.

Sam knew that it was his fault, all of this. If he would have remembered, Lucifer would still be there - hell, even if he would have just acted a little more caring and compassionate! If only he could have pretended until he remembered, but no, he had to act like an emotionless bastard and drive Lucifer away. No matter what would happen, he knew that he could never forgive himself for his actions and even if he did, nothing could bring Lucifer back. Due to his own selfishness and arrogance, Sam had driven the only man he had ever loved with his mere soul into suicide. How he should live with this blood on his hands was impossible to imagine for him.


End file.
